We all do dumb things in relationships. We break up, move on and do more dumb stuff with a brand new person. Then we wonder why all the people we meet suck! The truth is, we can un-learn those things and have better results. Clink on the link below to listen as Coach Early Jackson shares valuable principles to help you experience better, more fulfilling relationships.
7 Dumb Things We Do To Sabotage Our Relationships
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The Art Of Making The Deal
Few things strike fear in a person more than the thought of sitting across the table from someone negotiating. Whether it’s at the car dealership, convincing a toddler to take a nap or navigating through an argument with your spouse; life is all about negotiations. From birth we learn how to go back and forth in an effort to get what we want. In fact, we perfect this skill by early adolescence and use it to manipulate others. I often share with clients how we listen to the same radio station,WIIFM or What’s In It For Me?
The reality is, it does not get easier. As we grow, the stakes become higher which means if we are to be successful; it’s going to mean getting better at the art of deal making. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, “I don’t care if you know it or even like to play, you’re in this game of life!” Since you cannot escape this truth, I wanted to share a few pointers I have gathered through years of marketing, sales and corporate America on how to get positioned for the best deals in life.
• It’s important to establish credibility in the beginning: People do business with people they instinctively like. Now this isn’t some deep rooted personal connection. This is simply a ‘gut’ feeling we get about someone new we meet. Your body language, facial expressions and mannerism speak volumes about who we are. Get in the habit of putting people at ease, then let them know you are there to assist.
• Poke the bear, uncover their need/pain level: We all do what we do for two reasons; stopping pain or creating pleasure. That’s it! If you are ever going to be successful in your dealing with people, you must answer those two issues. When you ‘poke the bear’ you are purposefully bringing to the surface issues so you can demonstrate how you can help. Have confidence that everyone you meet really does want the pain to stop.
• Don’t focus on how, focus on why: I love talking to clients and letting them know if they create a big enough ‘WHY’ they won’t have to stress about ‘HOW’. When something is important, humans always find a way to make it happen. It’s just in our DNA. When you know ‘why’ a person wants a thing, you can better serve their life.
• Don’t stop asking until ‘you’ are convince and understand: It will get uncomfortable. It may even get testy. But on the other side of this awkwardness is a tremendous breakthrough. We are usually right on the verge of something good with people and we just fall short. Maybe our patience runs out or we think it isn’t worth it. Remember, we are like onions in that we have layers. Keep peeling until you both understand where you are coming from.
You may never sit across from Donald Trump trying to work out a billion dollar real estate deal. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn the subtle art of getting deals done. Life is connective. We are a part of each other now more than ever. So the skills needed to get through tough negotiations are vital to accomplish what you want out of life. It’s an art so get ready to pain your masterpiece.
See ya at the top!
Early
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Myths About The Man of Steel
I can’t tell you the times I wrapped a towel from my mother’s linen closet around my neck and ran off to simulate flying. Every boy has once dreamed of being faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive. But somewhere between adolescence and high school our once lofty dreams approach life from a safer perspective.
There are unspoken rules of conduct that men abide by. See, the worst insult you could give a man is that he’s somehow acting less than what a ‘real’ man should. So we go through great lengths to ensure our manhood is not questioned. In this we often lose sight of transparency or being authentic. Instead we are working overtime to keep up a facade. This behavior is passed down time and time again. But as men, we can never grow pass what we refuse to confront. Here are a few ‘myths’ we carry as men of steel:
- Men don’t have feelings, therefore they cannot be hurt: This is a flat out lie. As I often say, we have the same feelings as women with a much different expression. Any guy who says a woman has never broken his heart or let him down needs to get his head examined. As men, we are occupational while women tend to be relational. So we find our identity in what we do, not who we know.
- Men just don’t like to talk: The truth is, we don’t like to talk at the exact moment women do, but we do talk. We speak about things that affect us or inspire us. If you ever want to see a guy really get chatty, tap into what he’s passionate about. That’s what matters most to men.
- Men avoid commitment at all costs: What connects us to our manhood is how well our families are taken care of. I don’t believe I have been more ashamed or disappointed in myself than when my finances fell too short to take care of my family. I felt less than a man. Often if we have a doubt about our ability to provide, we tend to shy away from that commitment.
- Men never get depressed: Absolutely we do! The difference is, early in boyhood we were told, big boys don’t cry. We took that mantra to heart. In fact, we added on that big boys don’t share their emotions. We took it as a sign of weakness. But anything without a pressure valve to give release will likely explode.
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved. http://www.blacklifecoaches.net/2013/05/21/4-myths-women-still-believe-about-men/
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The Power of Your Clique'
In 2012, rapper and mega producer Kanye West released a compilation album with label mates from his Good Music roster. Along with legend Jay Z and new comer Big Sean the song ‘Clique’ began taking over the airwaves. Youth from California to New York were raving about the status of their own individual cliques. What’s ironic is more than we often realize, the people we associate with have a huge impact on our lives.
Clique by definition is a small, select association or group of people who are considered exclusive. What makes this so interesting is we are usually defined not by who we connect with, but also who we don’t. In Latin, the word ‘friend’ means ‘another me’. Armed with this information it becomes apparent we need to guard our circles and make sure the people around us are a good representation of who we are. Sure we feel connected to those online via Facebook and Twitter, but do we really know them well enough to invite them into our circle?
Dr. Myles Monroe says “When the purpose for a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.” So the word ‘abuse’ is made up of two words; ‘abnormal usage’. Look around. Have you ever felt abused in some way by a person you called friend? Most likely, that person had no idea of the true purpose of your friendship so the outcome could not be avoided.
Solid relationships are made from the inside out. It is our own mirrored reflections that determine how we choose a friend and how others learn to treat us. If this image is perceived as flawed, we radiate that throughout our lives. It’s a vibe or air that others can pick up on when they come into our presence. Nothing makes for a good foundation like self worth, self assurance and self confidence.
Here are (3) tops reasons our relationships fail:
1. The nature of the relationship is not understood: Did you know that ‘why’ we connect is just as important as to whom we connect with? Every clique, friendship or even business venture starts with a ‘why’. If this ‘why’ is not expressed and understood, you will usually end in a wreck. The guy you buy your coffee from, the bus driver and the person who rented you a car all have something in common. They serve a purpose and that purpose is defined clearly. When the lines of ‘why’ get blurred, expectations aren’t met and feelings get hurt.
2. There’s a lack of maturity: It’s always funny when I am in a corporate setting and someone says, “We should be able to get this done, we are all adults here!” I have learned that being mature has nothing to do with being an adult. For some reason we hit a stage in life where we are regressing instead of progressing. When relationships are handled from a place of maturity, needs can be met. It goes beyond the old ‘what’s in it for me’ and seeks mutual benefits.
3. There are unrealistic expectations: Some people are like a pair of pants with holes in the pockets, they never get filled. It seems that no matter how much you give, some will never be content. In fact, the more you give them, the more they demand. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement and you’re their ‘genie in a bottle’. That is not fair to you or them. Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships. Without them someone ends up being taken advantage of.
Whether you’re a fan of Kanye’s song ‘Clique’ or not; it will resonate with you. Why? Because in one form or another we all have a connection with someone. I believe we can benefit from learning the power of our clique and use it for positive growth.
See ya at the top!
Early Jackson
Clique by definition is a small, select association or group of people who are considered exclusive. What makes this so interesting is we are usually defined not by who we connect with, but also who we don’t. In Latin, the word ‘friend’ means ‘another me’. Armed with this information it becomes apparent we need to guard our circles and make sure the people around us are a good representation of who we are. Sure we feel connected to those online via Facebook and Twitter, but do we really know them well enough to invite them into our circle?
Dr. Myles Monroe says “When the purpose for a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.” So the word ‘abuse’ is made up of two words; ‘abnormal usage’. Look around. Have you ever felt abused in some way by a person you called friend? Most likely, that person had no idea of the true purpose of your friendship so the outcome could not be avoided.
Solid relationships are made from the inside out. It is our own mirrored reflections that determine how we choose a friend and how others learn to treat us. If this image is perceived as flawed, we radiate that throughout our lives. It’s a vibe or air that others can pick up on when they come into our presence. Nothing makes for a good foundation like self worth, self assurance and self confidence.
Here are (3) tops reasons our relationships fail:
1. The nature of the relationship is not understood: Did you know that ‘why’ we connect is just as important as to whom we connect with? Every clique, friendship or even business venture starts with a ‘why’. If this ‘why’ is not expressed and understood, you will usually end in a wreck. The guy you buy your coffee from, the bus driver and the person who rented you a car all have something in common. They serve a purpose and that purpose is defined clearly. When the lines of ‘why’ get blurred, expectations aren’t met and feelings get hurt.
2. There’s a lack of maturity: It’s always funny when I am in a corporate setting and someone says, “We should be able to get this done, we are all adults here!” I have learned that being mature has nothing to do with being an adult. For some reason we hit a stage in life where we are regressing instead of progressing. When relationships are handled from a place of maturity, needs can be met. It goes beyond the old ‘what’s in it for me’ and seeks mutual benefits.
3. There are unrealistic expectations: Some people are like a pair of pants with holes in the pockets, they never get filled. It seems that no matter how much you give, some will never be content. In fact, the more you give them, the more they demand. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement and you’re their ‘genie in a bottle’. That is not fair to you or them. Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships. Without them someone ends up being taken advantage of.
Whether you’re a fan of Kanye’s song ‘Clique’ or not; it will resonate with you. Why? Because in one form or another we all have a connection with someone. I believe we can benefit from learning the power of our clique and use it for positive growth.
See ya at the top!
Early Jackson
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
What I learned about success from break dancing
The year was 1984. The top movie in my life that year was Beat Street starring Rae Dawn Chong and Guy Davis. This movie represented a cultural shift of urban influence onto mainstream America. It pulled to the forefront as a relatively new style of music called rap or hip hop. Normally relegated to the ghetto, this form of culture expression was gaining momentum and this movie was more than that, it was a movement. With performances from pioneers like Afrika Bambaataa, Soul Sonic Force and Kool Moe Dee, Beat Street was seen as an opportunity for those without a voice, to finally have their say.
Right in the middle of this movie was a new form of dance taking shape called ‘Breaking’. Break dancing seemed to be just as vital of an expression as rap. And from 1983 to 1986 I was swept away with the fad. I was a regular ‘breaker’ with my track suits, baseball caps and sneakers with the big fat laces. In my room was a stash of cardboard from the local grocery store. Every chance we found, we were practicing. This was perfect timing because our favorite radio station announced a break dance contest at the mall. We were all in! We practiced and decided to enter the individual portion. Well, my turn came and I totally choked. In fact, I never stepped foot on the stage. I just stood there in the background paralyzed.
I had forgotten all about this until the other day as I shared with a client the importance of stepping up and stepping into your ‘time’. As I spoke I remembered how difficult it was for me. I instantly shared the story and it seemed to give a refreshing to their situation as well. I want to share a few principles from this experience I am embracing now:
■No matter how much you practice, nothing takes the place of execution: I had practiced and performed for my friends for days. I knew my little routine and was sure I could deliver. There was just one thing I never factored in, the people in the audience. When we reach a certain ‘stage’ in our lives, what we know and what we do becomes vital. Legends are made not from what they say they will do, but what they actually do. You were made to perform on the greatest of stages and all that stands in your way is the will to just do it!
■A team is great, but you are still accountable for ‘you’: Here’s where it got sticky. We practiced together, we hung out together and even dreamed together. But we were going to be judged individually. A team is not the place to hide from responsibility. In the end, your life is your business and you’d better get busy thinking for yourself. I have seen dozens of people left in the dust because of their efforts to hide in a crowd. Animals live in herds but graze for themselves.
■Your dream has to speak louder than your fears: As I look back from the perspective of a forty year old, of course I realize that break dancing wasn’t my life’s passion. In fact, shortly after the contest I gave it up for skateboarding. Fads come and go, but you will learn to pay close attention to those things that seem to latch onto your heart. You can’t shake it no matter what else you do. It almost becomes your obsession. The key is to spend more time pursuing those than the fads that come to distract you.
That cloudy day in 1984 taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that you can get hyped, get dressed and show up looking like you belong. But until something becomes a passion you cannot live without doing, you will easily walk away from it. There are some of us in this life that will find our cause, our passion and refuse to die without living it. Here’s to us all!
Early Jackson, Norfolk Business Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/article/what-i-learned-about-success-from-break-dancing?fb_action_ids=4694968172078&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582
Right in the middle of this movie was a new form of dance taking shape called ‘Breaking’. Break dancing seemed to be just as vital of an expression as rap. And from 1983 to 1986 I was swept away with the fad. I was a regular ‘breaker’ with my track suits, baseball caps and sneakers with the big fat laces. In my room was a stash of cardboard from the local grocery store. Every chance we found, we were practicing. This was perfect timing because our favorite radio station announced a break dance contest at the mall. We were all in! We practiced and decided to enter the individual portion. Well, my turn came and I totally choked. In fact, I never stepped foot on the stage. I just stood there in the background paralyzed.
I had forgotten all about this until the other day as I shared with a client the importance of stepping up and stepping into your ‘time’. As I spoke I remembered how difficult it was for me. I instantly shared the story and it seemed to give a refreshing to their situation as well. I want to share a few principles from this experience I am embracing now:
■No matter how much you practice, nothing takes the place of execution: I had practiced and performed for my friends for days. I knew my little routine and was sure I could deliver. There was just one thing I never factored in, the people in the audience. When we reach a certain ‘stage’ in our lives, what we know and what we do becomes vital. Legends are made not from what they say they will do, but what they actually do. You were made to perform on the greatest of stages and all that stands in your way is the will to just do it!
■A team is great, but you are still accountable for ‘you’: Here’s where it got sticky. We practiced together, we hung out together and even dreamed together. But we were going to be judged individually. A team is not the place to hide from responsibility. In the end, your life is your business and you’d better get busy thinking for yourself. I have seen dozens of people left in the dust because of their efforts to hide in a crowd. Animals live in herds but graze for themselves.
■Your dream has to speak louder than your fears: As I look back from the perspective of a forty year old, of course I realize that break dancing wasn’t my life’s passion. In fact, shortly after the contest I gave it up for skateboarding. Fads come and go, but you will learn to pay close attention to those things that seem to latch onto your heart. You can’t shake it no matter what else you do. It almost becomes your obsession. The key is to spend more time pursuing those than the fads that come to distract you.
That cloudy day in 1984 taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that you can get hyped, get dressed and show up looking like you belong. But until something becomes a passion you cannot live without doing, you will easily walk away from it. There are some of us in this life that will find our cause, our passion and refuse to die without living it. Here’s to us all!
Early Jackson, Norfolk Business Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/article/what-i-learned-about-success-from-break-dancing?fb_action_ids=4694968172078&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582
Monday, April 15, 2013
What Stephen Covey Taught Us About Staying Sharp!
Tucked away in an airport hotel conference room, I gathered with staff members from a diverse background of organizations. That first morning was the toughest. We were uncomfortable, and of course we were all sizing each other up and comparing. By mid day we were split into teams and began breaking the ice. When we got to the seventh principal, “Sharpen The Saw” it finally began to sink in. Our lives are a direct reflection of the preparation we make to live; we have to sharpen our saw!
Sun Tzu, author of the famed “Art of War” said, “Even the finest sword plunged into salt water will eventually rust.” We all are born with an innate ability, quality or gift. But what separates the average and ordinary from those who make history and leave legacies is the time invested to hone those skills. If you’ve ever worked with a dull tool you know exactly what I am talking about. Try carving meat with a blunt knife or cutting down a tree branch with a dull axe. The duller the tool, the more strength is wasted. By staying sharp, we keep an edge that makes us better individuals. We perform tasks with a certain pride that speaks from the place of our noble purpose.
Here are a few ways to make sure you are staying sharp:
- Staying sharp starts with a mindset that is active: In a society encumbered with 24 hour access to everything in the world via the internet, it is very easy to get home and simply want to ‘veg’ out on the couch. But a mind in motion tends to stay in motion. What increases our success is when we active mentally. Reading, family interaction and listening to audio books are a great way to stay mentally limber.
- Staying sharp gets easier with the right company: Essentially we are who we connect with. Whether for good or bad, our environment plays a major role in our daily behavior. If you want to get sloppy and dull, hang with people who have no drive or goals. They will influence you to slow down and smell life’s roses. At their pace, you soon find you are behind in pursuit of your dreams. That’s why we must be around those that challenge us, provoke us to excellence to do and be our very best.
- Staying sharp won’t always be comfortable: If you think about it, sharpening a kitchen knife involved a clashing. It is the friction that does the sharpening. So we need to understand that sometimes to grow, a mentor, a friend or co worker may need to brush against us to create the friction. This friction is what causes our growth. We are better because others held us to a higher standard and expectation. We can’t conceive development without it.
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)