Friday, May 31, 2013

7 Dumb Things We Do To Sabotage Our Relationships

We all do dumb things in relationships.  We break up, move on and do more dumb stuff with a brand new person.  Then we wonder why all the people we meet suck!  The truth is, we can un-learn those things and have better results.  Clink on the link below to listen as Coach Early Jackson shares valuable principles to help you experience better, more fulfilling relationships.

7 Dumb Things We Do To Sabotage Our Relationships

Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Art Of Making The Deal

Few things strike fear in a person more than the thought of sitting across the table from someone negotiating. Whether it’s at the car dealership, convincing a toddler to take a nap or navigating through an argument with your spouse; life is all about negotiations. From birth we learn how to go back and forth in an effort to get what we want. In fact, we perfect this skill by early adolescence and use it to manipulate others. I often share with clients how we listen to the same radio station,WIIFM or What’s In It For Me?
The reality is, it does not get easier. As we grow, the stakes become higher which means if we are to be successful; it’s going to mean getting better at the art of deal making. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, “I don’t care if you know it or even like to play, you’re in this game of life!” Since you cannot escape this truth, I wanted to share a few pointers I have gathered through years of marketing, sales and corporate America on how to get positioned for the best deals in life.
• It’s important to establish credibility in the beginning: People do business with people they instinctively like. Now this isn’t some deep rooted personal connection. This is simply a ‘gut’ feeling we get about someone new we meet. Your body language, facial expressions and mannerism speak volumes about who we are. Get in the habit of putting people at ease, then let them know you are there to assist.
• Poke the bear, uncover their need/pain level: We all do what we do for two reasons; stopping pain or creating pleasure. That’s it! If you are ever going to be successful in your dealing with people, you must answer those two issues. When you ‘poke the bear’ you are purposefully bringing to the surface issues so you can demonstrate how you can help. Have confidence that everyone you meet really does want the pain to stop.
• Don’t focus on how, focus on why: I love talking to clients and letting them know if they create a big enough ‘WHY’ they won’t have to stress about ‘HOW’. When something is important, humans always find a way to make it happen. It’s just in our DNA. When you know ‘why’ a person wants a thing, you can better serve their life.
• Don’t stop asking until ‘you’ are convince and understand: It will get uncomfortable. It may even get testy. But on the other side of this awkwardness is a tremendous breakthrough. We are usually right on the verge of something good with people and we just fall short. Maybe our patience runs out or we think it isn’t worth it. Remember, we are like onions in that we have layers. Keep peeling until you both understand where you are coming from.
You may never sit across from Donald Trump trying to work out a billion dollar real estate deal. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn the subtle art of getting deals done. Life is connective. We are a part of each other now more than ever. So the skills needed to get through tough negotiations are vital to accomplish what you want out of life. It’s an art so get ready to pain your masterpiece.
 See ya at the top!
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Myths About The Man of Steel

The summer of 2013 is gearing up to be an action movie junkies’ dream come true. With releases set from Hollywood heavy hitters like DeNiro, Smith, Hanks and Cruise, I have already prepared to beat the heat of summer in the movie theaters. As usual, I look forward to a couple of films that were adapted from the comics. Last year was the Dark Knight’s run, this year it’s none other than the man from Krypton, Kal-El. Most recognize him from his earth name, Clark Kent.

I can’t tell you the times I wrapped a towel from my mother’s linen closet around my neck and ran off to simulate flying. Every boy has once dreamed of being faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive. But somewhere between adolescence and high school our once lofty dreams approach life from a safer perspective.

There are unspoken rules of conduct that men abide by. See, the worst insult you could give a man is that he’s somehow acting less than what a ‘real’ man should. So we go through great lengths to ensure our manhood is not questioned. In this we often lose sight of transparency or being authentic. Instead we are working overtime to keep up a facade. This behavior is passed down time and time again. But as men, we can never grow pass what we refuse to confront. Here are a few ‘myths’ we carry as men of steel:
  • Men don’t have feelings, therefore they cannot be hurt: This is a flat out lie. As I often say, we have the same feelings as women with a much different expression. Any guy who says a woman has never broken his heart or let him down needs to get his head examined. As men, we are occupational while women tend to be relational. So we find our identity in what we do, not who we know.
  • Men just don’t like to talk: The truth is, we don’t like to talk at the exact moment women do, but we do talk. We speak about things that affect us or inspire us. If you ever want to see a guy really get chatty, tap into what he’s passionate about. That’s what matters most to men.
  • Men avoid commitment at all costs: What connects us to our manhood is how well our families are taken care of. I don’t believe I have been more ashamed or disappointed in myself than when my finances fell too short to take care of my family. I felt less than a man. Often if we have a doubt about our ability to provide, we tend to shy away from that commitment.
  • Men never get depressed: Absolutely we do! The difference is, early in boyhood we were told, big boys don’t cry. We took that mantra to heart. In fact, we added on that big boys don’t share their emotions. We took it as a sign of weakness. But anything without a pressure valve to give release will likely explode.
I have always been fascinated with the story of Superman. Not just because of his incredible acts of heroics, but because the people closest to him never made the connection. Somehow he could come up missing, he could save their lives and spend time with them, and no one ever thought Clark was really Superman. I guess that’s appropriate. As men, we have lived the truth that it’s the other way around. Superman, was really Clark Kent all along.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Power of Your Clique'

In 2012, rapper and mega producer Kanye West released a compilation album with label mates from his Good Music roster. Along with legend Jay Z and new comer Big Sean the song ‘Clique’ began taking over the airwaves. Youth from California to New York were raving about the status of their own individual cliques. What’s ironic is more than we often realize, the people we associate with have a huge impact on our lives.

Clique by definition is a small, select association or group of people who are considered exclusive. What makes this so interesting is we are usually defined not by who we connect with, but also who we don’t. In Latin, the word ‘friend’ means ‘another me’. Armed with this information it becomes apparent we need to guard our circles and make sure the people around us are a good representation of who we are. Sure we feel connected to those online via Facebook and Twitter, but do we really know them well enough to invite them into our circle?

Dr. Myles Monroe says “When the purpose for a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.” So the word ‘abuse’ is made up of two words; ‘abnormal usage’. Look around. Have you ever felt abused in some way by a person you called friend? Most likely, that person had no idea of the true purpose of your friendship so the outcome could not be avoided.

Solid relationships are made from the inside out. It is our own mirrored reflections that determine how we choose a friend and how others learn to treat us. If this image is perceived as flawed, we radiate that throughout our lives. It’s a vibe or air that others can pick up on when they come into our presence. Nothing makes for a good foundation like self worth, self assurance and self confidence.

Here are (3) tops reasons our relationships fail:

1. The nature of the relationship is not understood: Did you know that ‘why’ we connect is just as important as to whom we connect with? Every clique, friendship or even business venture starts with a ‘why’. If this ‘why’ is not expressed and understood, you will usually end in a wreck. The guy you buy your coffee from, the bus driver and the person who rented you a car all have something in common. They serve a purpose and that purpose is defined clearly. When the lines of ‘why’ get blurred, expectations aren’t met and feelings get hurt.

2. There’s a lack of maturity: It’s always funny when I am in a corporate setting and someone says, “We should be able to get this done, we are all adults here!” I have learned that being mature has nothing to do with being an adult. For some reason we hit a stage in life where we are regressing instead of progressing. When relationships are handled from a place of maturity, needs can be met. It goes beyond the old ‘what’s in it for me’ and seeks mutual benefits.

3. There are unrealistic expectations: Some people are like a pair of pants with holes in the pockets, they never get filled. It seems that no matter how much you give, some will never be content. In fact, the more you give them, the more they demand. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement and you’re their ‘genie in a bottle’. That is not fair to you or them. Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships. Without them someone ends up being taken advantage of.

Whether you’re a fan of Kanye’s song ‘Clique’ or not; it will resonate with you. Why? Because in one form or another we all have a connection with someone. I believe we can benefit from learning the power of our clique and use it for positive growth.

See ya at the top!

Early Jackson
© 2013, Early L. Jackson. All rights reserved.